just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
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So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
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They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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