Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
