I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
