Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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