She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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