omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I wish you could order shots online.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
