I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
