Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
