I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
