DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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