I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
We got so high we made milksteak
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
