Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
