boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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