Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
