you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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