Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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