you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
