Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
