So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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