well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
