I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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