Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
