doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Randomize
