Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
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