I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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