i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
