I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
