I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
