Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
