At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
