Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
