I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
