you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
