i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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