i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.