I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.