Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
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just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
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Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.