Texts From Last Night

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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?

  (1-570): View more from Pennsylvania

  you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911

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  (570): why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds? (1-570): you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911 http://tfl.nu/vzb8
  Replies (109) Good night (39854) Bad night (1919)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.

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  (678): Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box. http://tfl.nu/7k9p
  Replies (12) Good night (667) Bad night (3357) Order T-Shirt
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"

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  (317): she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES" http://tfl.nu/88gh
  Replies (46) Good night (3934) Bad night (1035) Order T-Shirt
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  (213): View more from California

  are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town

  (1-213): View more from California

  well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT

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  (213): are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town (1-213): well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT http://tfl.nu/kbwd
  Replies (14) Good night (784) Bad night (5912) Order T-Shirt
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it

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  (910): after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it http://tfl.nu/b99n
  Replies (48) Good night (2711) Bad night (5954) Order T-Shirt
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  (310): View more from California

  He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what

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  (310): He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what http://tfl.nu/hk6f
  Replies (18) Good night (722) Bad night (3442) Order T-Shirt
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  (817): View more from Texas

  just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.

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  (817): just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing. http://tfl.nu/3pw8
  Replies (18) Good night (5731) Bad night (499) Order T-Shirt
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  (510): View more from California

  answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.

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  (510): answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it. http://tfl.nu/6rsg
  Replies (6) Good night (1296) Bad night (5252) Order T-Shirt
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever

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  (704): You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever http://tfl.nu/czge
  Replies (3) Good night (922) Bad night (2263) Order T-Shirt
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.

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  (778): some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast. http://tfl.nu/x23k
  Replies (3) Good night (780) Bad night (2024) Order T-Shirt
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.

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  (978): I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed. http://tfl.nu/ypwz
  Replies (6) Good night (839) Bad night (2084) Order T-Shirt
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.

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  (860): Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms. http://tfl.nu/d3j8
  Replies (13) Good night (2020) Bad night (784) Order T-Shirt
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.

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  (208): Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult. http://tfl.nu/xgis
  Replies (2) Good night (379) Bad night (640) Order T-Shirt
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.

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  (303): I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now. http://tfl.nu/8ew5
  Replies (7) Good night (314) Bad night (1596) Order T-Shirt
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  (979): View more from Texas

  Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.

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  (979): Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log. http://tfl.nu/tdyo
  Replies (3) Good night (239) Bad night (673) Order T-Shirt

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