Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!