Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
