So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
