a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
