so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
