i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
