just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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