tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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