i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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