I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
