Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Randomize
