i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
