Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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