The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
