she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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