You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
