hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
How's work?
Spinning.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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