just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
