thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
