I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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