we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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