There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
