I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
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