There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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