the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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