Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
ugly people sure do ruin things
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
