i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
