this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
