i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
