Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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