She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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