his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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