I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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