So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
