i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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