You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
