Cold hands, warm shart.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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