Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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