My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
