i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Just pee around me
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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