trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
