A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
