alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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