she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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