i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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