if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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