there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
